Archive for December, 2011

Splatterpictures VS Remakes! (horror rant)

Posted in Horor Rant, Updates with tags , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2011 by splatterpictures

“No movie executive has ever been fired for greenlighting a sequel”. – Roger Ebert

 

"Award shows, where award shows win awards?"

I get asked a lot about my opinions on remakes and or sequels. I am usually hesitant to even comment because I have always believed that there is room enough in the world for everyone’s favourite movie. (be it original  or remake) That being said, a recent conversation with a good friend of mine has made me decide to throw my two cents in on the subject of sequels and remakes.

Hollywood is in the business of making money and while that is pretty obvious to most people, what isn’t obvious is their perspective on how to make that money. You’re never going to convince a studio that if they have the opportunity to make money they should opt to deny that opportunity for the sake of creative integrity. For example, when you have a film that makes a huge profit when compared to the cost of production, any savvy media head will know that is a near automatic greenlight for a sequel, or even worst a franchise. So many films these days suffer because of this thought process. The first movie is a set up. It’s slower, and clunky, and we as an audience expect it. We apologize for inferior films and say “The sequel will be better, have more action, or have better characters or a better ending” How bankrupt of a concept is that? We’re making excuses for a movie that let us down, and keep hope that it will get better. It sounds like an abusive relationship, and it is.

The most puzzling thing is the sheer laziness and  desperation of Hollywood. They have no lack of talent for going to the pop culture graveyard and digging up some dead franchise in hopes of cashing in on brand recognition. Since this a horror site, I’m going to keep things in the realm of horror.

First let’s realize one thing: Horror movies are profitable. They make studios huge amounts of money compared to the cost of their productions.

In the last few years we’ve seen remakes of Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Night of the Demons, Black Christmas. Fright Night. Down the pipeline there is Evil Dead, Hellraiser, The Ring, American Psycho and I just heard Suspira. (Oh and the Munsters coming back to TV as a serious horror drama?) Sequels are also coming. More Saw, more Paranormal Activity, more Human Centipede. Countless other films that I could just list on and on, the crazy thing is it seems every day this week, I have been hearing more and more.

Is that to say that we as horror fans dislike sequels and remakes? That can’t be true because they make money. Frankly, if nobody liked them and they didn’t make a profit, they wouldn’t be made. The casual audience has a lot to do with that, but so do we. Some of us are so grateful for a movie featuring our favourite icons that we’ll swallow just about anything they give us (myself included)

I think that Hollywood will do what it’s doing until something else catches its eye. It’s funny to me when I hear certain buzz-words about updating things for a new generation, or “giving the fans what they want” I promise you, Hollywood if you’re reading this (and I know you are) You’re not doing me any favours. The economy is down and nobody is taking risks and it’s extremely obvious when you look at the film industry. They want sure things, they want brand recognition and they want to relaunch series into dependable cash-cows. There is something to be said for thinking outside the box though.

I’ll take a step away from, horror for a second and mention that James Cameron made Avatar, and it wasn’t perfect but at least it was something new and interesting. Number one grossing movie in history and all Hollywood took away from that was “movies need to be in 3D now” and once again, people swallow it.

My friend pointed out to me that this generation has very little to call its own. Every big franchise, (in horror and out of horror) has been some dug up property from the 70’s-90’s. what does Hollywood have to show for itself?  Jigsaw? That’s it? One iconic character, that breached genre films and became mainstream?

We shouldn’t have to look this hard for new ideas. See yah next time and thanks for reading!

Top Ten Weirdest Moments in J-Grindhouse

Posted in Updates with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2011 by splatterpictures

One of the biggest guilty pleasures for me is Japanese Grindhouse. In the last decade or so, there has been something of a cottage industry surrounding a few special effects artists/ directors coming out of Japan in what is now known as Sushi Typhoon. Anyone who’s seen these splatterfests, know that if you want screwball comedy and countless buckets of gore, these are defiantly your best bet. That being said, they are weird. They are some of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen. A lot of it is due to a cultural difference but really there is just no explaining some things. I’ve taken some of these films and put together my top ten of the weirdest moments. Here we go!

10 – Tempura Arm (The Machine Girl)

This one was always one of my favourites. In order to protect their child’s reputation a married couple attempt to kill the sister of a boy their son murdered. The mother dips her hand in a boiling pot and it comes out covered in Tempura. The weirdest thing to me is after this scene the girl’s hand looks completely fine.

9 – Helicopter Head (Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl)

During the films climax we learn that the Frankenstein girl has the power of flight, all she has to do is attach her severed limbs to the top of her head so they can spin around. Of course it all makes perfect sense!

8 – Boob Weapons (Samurai Princess)

 

This wouldn’t be the only film to do something weird with breasts. In fact pretty much every movie I mention has at least one scene that has something to do with weird breast weapons. Samurai Princess (yeah that’s her name) is a Mecha and naturally her breasts are detachable…weapons of some kind. I honestly have no idea how they are even supposed to work but they make a guys head explode, so bravo.

7 – Kamikaze gang (Psycho Gothic Lolita)

This movie overall was pretty light on the horror elements and heavy on the ridiculous anime elements. That being said it’s as exploitative as anything else. We are treated to a random fight between the psycho gothic chick and a bunch of guys who do flippy-trick martial arts and have silly poses. It plays out like it’s from a totally different movie.

6 – Guy eats bugs.  (Tokyo Gore Police)

 

This scene is so strange. There is just some guy on a subway eating bugs.  Complete with extreme close ups and speeding up the camera. The scene seems to go on forever. The character has nothing to do with anything, unless I don’t understand some deep meaning behind it. I have a habit of fast forwarding through this part.

5 – Penis Weapons (Tokyo Gore Police)

This happens in a lot of these Tokyo Shock films, the most well done (as if I am saying that) is probably Tokyo Gore Police. A lot of practical special effects and *cough* elephant sounds make this just too fucking weird.

4 – Nose Guns (Mutant Girls Squad)

So you decide to have a samurai police force in the not too distant future and you’re asking yourself. “How can I have the benefits of a gun without the hassle of carrying it?” Well the answer my friend is nose guns. Yeah, just have a ridiculous nose gun on all of your officers.

3 – Butt sword fight (Robo-Geisha)

Robo-Geisha is one of those movies than can’t slow down for a second or you’ll start to notice what an ungodly mess it is. That being said, it has a three-way butt sword fight that is just something you have to see to believe. The characters themselves acknowledge how embarrassing the entire thing is.

2 – Giant Kabuki Frankenstein (Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl)

So just about ready to pack it in after watching VGvsFG and all of a sudden, a four story abomination that seems to be a sewn together mess of the movies two main antagonists shows up. I guess a vampire school-girls work is never done.

1 – The peeing chair (Tokyo Gore Police)

I honestly don’t even know what to say. I felt my brain fall apart the first time I ever saw it and it’s never gotten any less weird. It’s some kind of strip club or brothel where women who are “engineers” go on parade for a crowd of screaming fans. One looks like a skinned woman attached to a chair. She then pees on the crowd….the crowd goes wild. It’s hands down the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen.

Well there you have it. My personal top ten of weird J-Grindhouse moments. There are tonnes of these movies out there and I know I probably have missed some of your favourites. Leave comments below and let me know what I should subject my brain to next.